movie
mom and i saw "passion of the christ" last night.
some things made me think, some things made me wonder about why gibson chose that specific imagery and through it all, i thought, "how much abuse can one person take?" I almost couldn't stand to watch the beatings...

is it a truly accurate portrayal of what really happened?
dunno. no one can possibly be know now...all that saw it are long gone, and the bible has lost things in translations from greek,latin and hebrew so that some meanings are lost and some meanings manipulated by our fellow men to cement their grip on power.

it does make me think.
like, if God knew what was going to happen before he made Adam and Eve, then that means that Judas was condemned before he was even born. What happened to free will?
Did God harden Judas' heart like He harden Pharaoh's during Moses' time? and if He did, isn't that meddling with the free will He gave us? Part of me wants to yell, "that's not fair," but since free will entered the picture, life is not fair. Free will is why bad things happen to good people.

religion isn't supposed to be easy, isn't supposed to be cut & dry, simple to understand & follow. i believe, and anyone is welcome to disagree with me, that we were given free will so that we would come to God and learn to love him by our choice and not because God made us to. I believe, that to Him, and i realize that since He's God, i can't really guess what He's thinking, but...I believe that to Him, if he had made us where we automatically worshiped and loved him, that it would not be real love and that would be an anathema. Love has to be given freely and therefore, we have free will and all the troubles and sorrows it has caused.

i spoke with ken after the movie. he gave me a few points to consider...

I guess this just exacerbates my existing confusion on religion. Oh, don't get me wrong, I have most of the Basic Christian beliefs, the virgin birth, the resurrection, etc., but how can i trust religion, any religion, when men have perverted it to serves their purposes, to keep them in power, to make others believe things their way...
it makes me think.

i'm going to let the movie and these ideas percolate through my head for some time. it seems that i need to seek for God in other ways. Prayers to help me find my direction would be appreciated.