he's still there...
cleaning up my room a bit and found some letter magnets. ya know the type;
used to be on the fridge of my apartment. ken and i would move them about randomly.

when ken was still going to school in oklahoma (aug '04-aug '05) he had come home during a holiday. can't remember which one. maybe spring break. the night before he had to drive back, he stayed late with me. very sweet and romantic. i was asleep when he left. i think i groggily remember him saying he needed to get ready to go, asking if it was ok to drink some of my milk (it always was,) and to kiss me goodbye before he left.

that morning, when he was already well on the road, i awoke and stumbled into my bathroom. it had a vintage-type medicine cabinet/mirror. attached to the metal rim on the bottom were magnets that read" i lqve u."
he placed the "q" upside down to form the "o," which was missing from the pack when i bought it.
it was one of the sweetest and simplest things. it stayed on my mirror until i had to move back to dad's around the end of october last year. i just couldn't take it down.

last night, i visited with my friend alice. i helped her unpack and move some things around so she can get her sewing room in order and get back to being creative herself. she collects among other things, daredevil toys, toy sewing machines and irons, including toy ironing boards. she had taken one and hung it on the wall to display some art trading cards style magnets she received in a swap. she gave me a toy ironing board, too. if i can find something with which to hang it, it'll be up in my room tonight. the first magnets to go on it will be those letter magnets ken left for me. painful, but sweet reminders of what i had and lost...reminding me that i had found something truly special.

xposted from email ladiez.



I went to visit Ken's folks this weekend, only to discover 4 birdcages instead of the normal 3. This is Dolly, a 2 year old blue crested amazon. She's sweeter than the other birds & is fond of Ken's mom.


snippet from a googletalk chat with jo or now i know what cat farts smell like. ick.

me: woah! dinah on lap and she's letting go some stinky farts! MAN!
Jocelyn: LOL
Jocelyn: poor Kit
me: just thought i'd share. >8^)
Jocelyn: >^^;< ...oo00OO
me: LOL
Jocelyn: jsut thought I'd illustrate
me: ok she just jumped off my lap now.
Jocelyn: hehe
me: i guess she is.
Jocelyn: I meant you
me: i'mnot the one that farted.
Jocelyn: but you might be the one who's relieved not to have a farting cat on your lap
me: i'm a bit insulted she had to wait until she was on my lap to fart but otherwise...
she's too cute to be upset at.
Jocelyn: heh
still funny
me: yeah.
i know. tmi but i had to share.
btw, i found 3 more four-leaf clovers yesterday. what the mess?


Clover Redux

I found four more 4 leaf clovers when i got off work. 0.o okay, this is odd. Cool, but odd.


I just got back from getting lunch. Got out of my car & saw a patch of clover out of the corner of my eye. Did a double take, went back & looked again. Yup, 4 leaf clover staring straight at me.



in texarkana. be home tonight. saw this outside a store here called angel's. you can't see it, but the top had what looked like a weird squiggley pattern until close-up inspection revealed it to be where the pink paint in peeling. nice.


Dinah Kitten

Just testing. In the mean time, here's a pic of my, new kittie, Dinah.
church ninjas, or how to get steamrollered into a choir
i've been church hopping since ken's death, trying to find a denomination and congregation that meshed with me. mostly, i've tagged along with ken's folks.
my friends, hillary and q, for reasons of their own, have decided to try other churches.
tonight, we decided to be sneaky & do a reconnaice mission at their wednesday bible study. we were discovered! the bible study had been canceled due to a potluck, but upon discovering that we could sing, they asked/begged us to join the choir. we ended up singing at rehearsal and had fun. they were very nice and friendly. learned about the way they do communion, etc.
we're going to attend on sunday, too. might even get alice to come along. 8^)
q had to leave early to check on her dad in the hospital. it's not good.
i wish i knew what to do or say...reminds me of when i lost ken. i didn't know what to say then either.
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c just called me. she just got out from seeing cirque jungle fantasy & is amazed. i can hear her excited voice...lol
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alice and i are planning to a roadtrip to texarkana this weekend. she found a quilt show and realized she hadn't been in a long time. i may have to skip the email ladiez night, though to do this. i don't think alice wants to go alone. i know i wouldn't. having a friend with you is half the fun.


defiying gravity
been listening to that song from "Wicked" quite a bit today.
it's helped me put things from this past year into an upbeat perspective today.
"Something has changed within me
Something is not the same
I'm through with playing by the rules
Of someone else's game
Too late for second-guessing
Too late to go back to sleep
It's time to trust my instincts
Close my eyes: and leap!

It's time to try
Defying gravity
I think I'll try
Defying gravity
And you can't pull me down!"
hell, yeah i miss him. always will, always do.
but i can't mope every second. part of me feels guilty when i don't, however i just have to live. it's all i know how to do.

i think starting to log things in here again will help. i've been trying to reserve my lj for art only.

since i started knitting, hillary, q and the gang have been getting together on tuesdays for a knit/draw/whatever night. it's been great fun for me.
q helped me start a pattern tonight. *i'm learning to read patterns! yay!* i'm doing this one with this yarn that q gave me way back when i started knitting a few months ago.
the gang is getting together at hillary's on friday. looking forward to it.


i hadn't logged into a yahoo email account of mine in quite awhile. i had the same login for my IM, so i thought it'd be ok.
nope. lots of emails, contacts...gone. including many love letters from ken.
while i do have them printed out, it's just heartbreaking that they are gone. i have more emails from him saved at my other yahoo account, but still...
this month will mark a year that he's been gone. it still isn't right...

i bumped into an former co-worker today. she's been doing well.
she had heard about ken's death and being a widow, offered me this advice, "you never get over it, you just learn to live with it." and it's true. it's what i've already noticed so far.

hadn't been here in awhile. mostly just doing my thing on my lj, drawing and art-ing. i haven't been keeping up with bingereading at all, even though i've still been reading tons of books.

thanks to hillary, q and the gang, i've taken up knitting. it's fun so far.
had to run by hobby lobby and pick up more yarn for a scarf i'm working on.

been visiting alice some. she and i have been following the massive olney thread at CBR.

all other details are on my lj i suppose...can't think of anything else to add.