scattered ramblings and a recap of yesterday
another busy day. i can't wait for the weekend. some relaxation time will be nice.

i've noticed the thoughts i blog are more scattered. i change the subject in mid-paragraph. perhaps because i am getting interupted a lot, but more like it just because i'm scatterbrained. not that it matters too, much. i guess this blog is like a space where i can get this stuff out be they thoughts, ideas, etc., examine it and organize them in my head. no wonder my stuff seems so cluttered when i write.

i need to post here more regularly. bingereading and scribbles&sketches get updated more often than this blog. mind, i am busy, but i need to develop a habit of updating something regularly. perhaps i can transfer that habit to my comic.

ken gave me an old blank journal earlier this week. i've been jotting down story ideas & background info for my comic. it seems that ideas and sketches are all i'm able to produce lately. at least i'm doing something on it, but it doesn't seem enough.

why do i hold myself back? am i scared of something? i know i'm ashamed for not updating regularly. it's gotten to the point where i can really consider myself a cartoonist on some days and that is just sad. it's been my goal for so long.
i wake up in the morning and go to work at douglas and i find myself angry when i get there. part of it is to do with kevin and alan. yes, i am chronically late. yes, i did get written up for it finally.
i still think that a.) he should have talked to me about having to write me up, and stuff. no, he just tossed the write up form on my desk and said, "i need you to sign this." no tact at all. >8^(
b.) i have a hard time respecting kevin and alan. true, it can get annoying their little attempts to make people jump (they hide behind corners and shout "boo!") but when they have to re-create one of these for the security cameras because it ran out of tape earlier and then show it off to everyone in the office... real professional behavior, guys. go back to high school.
i'm not saying that there can't be a little fun in the office. a joke here and there. a little chatting and goofing off to blow off some stress, but these two... *shakes head*
i think i may have rambled about this before. i'm getting like mom, repeating things.

another part of my morning anger maybe that i feel frustrated with my work-designwise and comicwise. it's like i'm wasting my time with other people's work and not my own. and it's true.

it's difficult to me to see the obvious. i'm know among my friends for being one half of the "obilvious twins," so when i finally notice that i need to look inside myself and be introspective, i find it very difficult. i second guess what i see and perceive. is what i see what others see? should i get their thoughts or try to wade through it on my own. for me, getting introspective means looking at a grime incrusted and cracked mirror. it's image isn't clear and takes alot of work to sort out. maybe that's why i usually avoid it. trying to figure out what i need to do from here isn't easy.

it also doesn't help that i have the attention span of a hyperactive ferret (ooo! shiny!) prime example: last night i interrupt a goodnight kiss from ken because i saw a luna moth. i had never seen one alive or up close before. it was roughed up with a chuck out of one wing but i was fascinated. it was elegant, despite it's ragged wings. (btw, i finished that kiss! i believe ken has come to terms with my short-attention span, but i wasn't going to leave the boy hanging over a bug, regardless of it's beauty. also, i think ken likes to show me the wildlife that does live on his parents' land. there is nothing quite like the night sky out there, away from the street lights and the orchestra of crickets, cicadas and frogs.)

i will say one thing. i see things out at his parents' place that i have only seen on tv or in books. weiner never had much beyond frogs, blue jays and mockingbirds, grasshoppers, crickets, earthworms and tons of mosquitos. i would never have seen a praying mantis up close if shalon jones hadn't brought one to class in second grade (or was it third?)
through seeing these things up close out at ken's parents, i seem to reclaim my sense of wonder, a part of my childhood that i thought i was fast losing. maybe i never saw these things when i was younger is that i simply never looked for them, never patient enough. *shrugs* so, who can blame my excitement over the luna moth?

lol speaking of which, a beetle has gotten in my office, black and about 1.5 to 2 inches long. i can
hear a skritching noise every now and then, which lets me know where he is, however the noise is starting to get on my nerves. i'll put him back outside shortly.

ok, on to yesterday's events: i got paid, which always a good thing. i worked til almost 7 at graphix and i posted to my sketchblog (the icons/avatars i mentioned eariler are finally up.)
i visited ken & saw how his new 3D project is coming along. 8^) played more katamari (i finally got star 4! i also completed star 5 and the constellations of cygnus and corona borealis.) i also got katamaris big enough to roll up people and cows! *moo!*
the music is just so darn catchy in that game. i'm

gonna have to get the soundtrack. it's a nice way to relieve stress. it's so cute, so hokey and cheesy, you can't help but smile.